So this blog has been pretty quiet for quite some time. I guess this is what happens when you make a blog that's solely devoted to your guy foibles and then there are no guys in your life? Well ladies, I finally have a story to share with you. It is nowhere near as appalling as my last date, but I still had a bit of a **durf** moment so I decided to share with all of you.
On New Year's Eve I went to a party that was thrown by a sister and several of her friends. I met this guy there and we spent the entire night talking. He got my number and we talked about going to get brunch sometime. After NYE he would text me to say "what's up?," but never actually took the effort to ask me out or to make concrete plans. He found my semi-private facebook profile (you need to be friends with at least one of my friends in order to find me, otherwise it won't show up in searches) and commenced a certain level of facebook stalking. Seriously folks, I understand "poking" someone once or twice, but 10+ times a day!!! Not cool. Or necessary. He had stopped texting me and never called and just resorted to facebook stalking so I got annoyed and lost all interest. Nearly two and a half months after we met, a couple of days ago, he sent me a facebook message saying that we're due for a brunch. Um wow. I thought the guy rule was 4 days, not 64 days. I sent him a message back saying I'm sort of seeing someone right now so no brunch and left it at that.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Monday, February 2, 2009
what the hell is wrong with me?
While I didn't have an epic fail date, tonight is one of those nights that makes me jump out of my skin and say "what the hell do you think you're doing?" Not that it will cause me to alter my actions any. First, I made plans to have dinner with an ex. On March 20th. Because that was seriously the first day that both of us are free. Smart. Then, I was feeling girlie and frisky and decided to im a different ex, B, to ask him if he wanted to make out. Seriously folks. Who does that? Apparently I do. His response was that he didn't think it would be a good idea and that we should probably discuss it later. I told him there's nothing to discuss, I'm just looking for fun. Just making out no strings attached. There's a reason why we didn't work out, no need to rehash that. Now we have plans to watch the Office on Thursday night. Apparently, I just never quite understood the concept of exes are exes for a reason.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Here's this guy thinks he's bad to the bone...
Sorry for the delay in posting about last weekend's date, but I don't get out very often so I have to spread it out. I've started Whale Flip Flops (after my favorite and most comfortable flip flops) to be about my everyday non-boy life.
On Christmas Eve, I went with R and her boyfriend to a Russian movie marathon at a Jewish Center. I stayed for exactly half a movie. While I was there, I started talking to A. Nice guy in a nice argyle sweater. (For some reason, the sweater was the one thing that really stuck out about him that night.) He asked me for my number and never called.
Two weeks later, he finally calls. Already a good look. He asks me out for a drink and I say ok thinking I don't have much to lose. I'm a really busy person and tend to make plans in advance, so by the time he asks me out, my first free day is a week and a half away. The day that we were supposed to go out, I got sick and asked to reschedule. The day that we rescheduled for, he had to work late and couldn't make it. (As with the previous date, this really should have been an omen.) We rescheduled again for that Sunday and agreed to go out for drinks in the Village. He told me to take the subway to the West 4th Street station and he'd meet me there. I get there and he's not there. I call him and he says that he's not ready yet, so do I mind just walking to meet him? Saying no would probably get the date off on a good start so I say sure. (I should probably mention that there's a blizzard that day.)
He tells me to walk to McDonald's and he'll meet me there. I walk seven blocks in the snow to the McDonald's and he's still not there. I call him and he says it'll be another few more minutes. He lives right around the corner. What exactly is he doing that takes him so long to get ready? He finally gets there and I ask him where we're going. He says he doesn't know where to go. (Again folks, big pet peeve of mine, you had several weeks to plan this out. I'm not looking for anything uber-fancy here, just a place to grab a drink.) He says it's cold out and he doesn't want to be outside so do I mind if we just go back to his place for drinks? Umm actually. Yes I do. He's like "fine, let's just walk around until we find something."
He finds a bar that he says is really great. They don't bother to card at the door and as soon as we walk in, mind you I had to hold the door open for him, I see why. We are literally the only two people who are legally old enough to be there. We sit down and order drinks. The floor is sticky, there is no such a thing as ambiance, and there are massive screens that are broadcasting every kind of sporting event known to man. Not exactly the best choice for a first date.
We start talking about how we've been since we met, and he tells me that he waited so long to call me is because at the time that we met, he was already seeing a couple of other girls. Classy. I start with the "tell me about yourself line" and the first thing he tells me is that his hobby is watching porn! Where exactly am I supposed to take the conversation from there? Saying "oh tell me more- do you like the movies with costumes and props or just straight up f***ing?" just doesn't seem very appropriate. I excuse myself to go the bathroom so I can send SOS text messages to all of my friends. And just when I don't think it could possibly get any worse, it does. There are no sinks in the bathroom. I thought that was illegal. Apparently "Employees Must Wash Hands" is just a suggestion. At this point I'm desperate to leave, and would bolt if it wasn't for the fact that my coat is at the booth and it's really cold out. I come back and at that particular moment discover that my friend T's fiance just broke up with her. T has been married for several years and has a really cute son, but's that's not relevant. What's relevant is that I have to go console her, right now, or else.
I ran out of there at speeds that could have possibly earned me a gold medal in another setting.
On Christmas Eve, I went with R and her boyfriend to a Russian movie marathon at a Jewish Center. I stayed for exactly half a movie. While I was there, I started talking to A. Nice guy in a nice argyle sweater. (For some reason, the sweater was the one thing that really stuck out about him that night.) He asked me for my number and never called.
Two weeks later, he finally calls. Already a good look. He asks me out for a drink and I say ok thinking I don't have much to lose. I'm a really busy person and tend to make plans in advance, so by the time he asks me out, my first free day is a week and a half away. The day that we were supposed to go out, I got sick and asked to reschedule. The day that we rescheduled for, he had to work late and couldn't make it. (As with the previous date, this really should have been an omen.) We rescheduled again for that Sunday and agreed to go out for drinks in the Village. He told me to take the subway to the West 4th Street station and he'd meet me there. I get there and he's not there. I call him and he says that he's not ready yet, so do I mind just walking to meet him? Saying no would probably get the date off on a good start so I say sure. (I should probably mention that there's a blizzard that day.)
He tells me to walk to McDonald's and he'll meet me there. I walk seven blocks in the snow to the McDonald's and he's still not there. I call him and he says it'll be another few more minutes. He lives right around the corner. What exactly is he doing that takes him so long to get ready? He finally gets there and I ask him where we're going. He says he doesn't know where to go. (Again folks, big pet peeve of mine, you had several weeks to plan this out. I'm not looking for anything uber-fancy here, just a place to grab a drink.) He says it's cold out and he doesn't want to be outside so do I mind if we just go back to his place for drinks? Umm actually. Yes I do. He's like "fine, let's just walk around until we find something."
He finds a bar that he says is really great. They don't bother to card at the door and as soon as we walk in, mind you I had to hold the door open for him, I see why. We are literally the only two people who are legally old enough to be there. We sit down and order drinks. The floor is sticky, there is no such a thing as ambiance, and there are massive screens that are broadcasting every kind of sporting event known to man. Not exactly the best choice for a first date.
We start talking about how we've been since we met, and he tells me that he waited so long to call me is because at the time that we met, he was already seeing a couple of other girls. Classy. I start with the "tell me about yourself line" and the first thing he tells me is that his hobby is watching porn! Where exactly am I supposed to take the conversation from there? Saying "oh tell me more- do you like the movies with costumes and props or just straight up f***ing?" just doesn't seem very appropriate. I excuse myself to go the bathroom so I can send SOS text messages to all of my friends. And just when I don't think it could possibly get any worse, it does. There are no sinks in the bathroom. I thought that was illegal. Apparently "Employees Must Wash Hands" is just a suggestion. At this point I'm desperate to leave, and would bolt if it wasn't for the fact that my coat is at the booth and it's really cold out. I come back and at that particular moment discover that my friend T's fiance just broke up with her. T has been married for several years and has a really cute son, but's that's not relevant. What's relevant is that I have to go console her, right now, or else.
I ran out of there at speeds that could have possibly earned me a gold medal in another setting.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
The boy who was raised by wolves
One of the many joys of being a Jewish girl in New York City is that there is always some sort of event that is in reality a singles event that is thinly veiled as a religious/spiritual/educational event. Seriously folks, I dare you to go to a party at the JCC with your boyfriend or fiance in tow. You will get many questioning looks as well as the inevitable look of death. It was at one such event at the JCC that I ran into Oded. Cute, Israeli, Ivy educated, good job, single, comes from a good family. Should I keep going? Basically, on paper he was the perfect guy. Did I mention that he's cute? After some flirting, we exchanged numbers and agreed to go out.
The first time that we were supposed to go out, he cancelled on me, the day of the date. Already a good look. Second time, the same thing. I was getting annoyed and did not want to go out with him, but my best friend R, bless her heart, convinced me to give him another try at a date because how bad could it really be? Famous last words folks. He arranged to meet at Cafe Mozart, which gave him some redeeming factors in my book, because it was one of the best date places in New York and their Raspberry Tiramisu was to die for. Note the use of the word was, not is. When I went online to look up the best train to take to the restaurant, I pleasantly discovered that it had closed 4 months prior. At this point I'm thinking that it's a sign from the fates telling me not to go out with him, but R persuades me to give him a chance. We agree to meet outside near where Cafe Mozart used to be. He arrives, 10 minutes late, always a good impression. I ask him where we're going and he says he doesn't know so let's just walk around until we find something. This is one of my biggest dating pet peeves. If we arrange to have a date, have the courtesy to have something planned in advance before we meet.
We walk around until we walk into a restaurant that turns out to be a steak place. We had previously talked about our religious observances and both discovered that we keep kosher to some extent. I keep the basic dietary rules and do not mix meat and dairy products and do not eat shellfish. Aside from that, I will eat in any restaurant. Oded's will eat anywhere, but he will not eat nonkosher meat. He did not tell me this factoid until we sat down, looked at our menus, and I discovered that my date couldn't eat anything on the menu aside from a baked potato and a side salad, hold the bacon bits. I offered to leave and go someplace else, since we were across the street from a really good kosher restaurant and he said let's just stay here. At this point, I'm subtracting points for stupidity. We order our food, and that's when the real fun begins.
I am very active in my sorority alumnae group and volunteer for it. My facebook profile has lots of pictures of my sisters and I and references to ASA. Basically, it screams "Sorority Girl" from about a mile away. I know the stereotypes that go along with being in a sorority. Trust me, I've heard them all and could probably add on a few more of my own. I get the feeling that this is why he asked me out. As soon as the waiter takes our orders, he starts talking to me about Greek life. But instead of asking questions about things like formals and greek week and sisterhood, all he wants to know is at what age did I become corrupt (his words, not mine), have I ever been in a threesome, have I ever been with a girl, did my sisters and I ever go to football games in snow wearing nothing but bikinis, etc. Basically, this is the guy who rushed every fraternity ten times in college and could not buy his way into one.
By this point I am glaring the look of death at him from across the table, trying desperately to change the subject, and every single person in the restaurant, including the chefs who are not even in the same room as us, can tell that I want this to end right away. I try desperately to change the topic and ask him about growing up in Philadelphia, since I have family that still lives there. He starts telling me about this club that he and his friends used to go to for high school night and how much it sucked once they changed that because high school girls are easier than college girls. Take a minute to let that one sink in folks. So much for that diversion, let's try another way of changing the subject. Movies, always a safe topic, right? Wrong! He asks me what my favorite movie is and I tell him that I have two. My two absolute favorite movies of all time are Casablanca and Phantom of the Opera. He has never heard of Casablanca. He asks me if that is a recent release and if it was an indie film. The movie defined what it means to be a classic. I tell him that it's a recent release only if he considers anything post 1940 to be recent. Then he asks me about Phantom of the Opera. Don't I mean the show? When did Phantom get turned into a movie? 2004. One of my guy friends later told me that most guys don't care or know about Phanom, but for not knowing about Casablanca, he deserves to be shot. Clearly we have nothing to talk about with my movie interests, so I ask him about his movie interests. He tells me that he's really into hardcore action movies. Like every other guy out there, my ex was a huge fan of the Boondock Saints, so I've seen that movie. I tell Oded that I liked Boondock Saints hoping to find some common ground here, but no such luck. Another movie that he has never heard of. I ask him what his favorite movie is, expecting something along the lines of Terminator. Instead, he tells me that his favorite movie, of all time, is Transformers. The Shia LeBoeuf version. I got that movie for my 8-year-old cousin.
Right when I think that my date has reached rock bottom, it gets so much better. And by better I mean worse, naturally. By this time, our food has arrived, and as I pleasantly discover, he is quite fond of chewing with his mouth open. Then, when he gets sauce on his mouth, he chooses to wipe it with the sleeve of his Brooks Brothers shirt!!! I'm sitting at the table with my entire life flashing before my very eyes trying to figure out what exactly it is that I have done in the past to deserve this. I try to pretend I didn't see anything and ask him if he's read anything good lately. He asks me if I mean like magazines, because he reads Maxim and TV Guide on a regular basis. Yes, exactly what I meant. He says that to be honest, he has not read any books for schoolwork or pleasure since 10th grade when he discovered Cliffs Notes and Spark Notes. This guy has a diploma from the University of Pennsylvania. When I ask him about reading in college, he says that he got by with Cliffs Notes and paying people to do his papers for him. By this point, we are done with our meals, and when the waiter comes and asks if we want any drinks or dessert, and I tell him that oh, sorry, it's been fun but I have to be at work early tomorrow and fly out of there.
A couple of weeks later, at Thanksgiving dinner, when I tell my cousin about him, it turns out that they went to middle school together and he was that weird creepy guy who couldn't get a date because he made all of the girls uncomfortable. Nice to know some things don't change.
The first time that we were supposed to go out, he cancelled on me, the day of the date. Already a good look. Second time, the same thing. I was getting annoyed and did not want to go out with him, but my best friend R, bless her heart, convinced me to give him another try at a date because how bad could it really be? Famous last words folks. He arranged to meet at Cafe Mozart, which gave him some redeeming factors in my book, because it was one of the best date places in New York and their Raspberry Tiramisu was to die for. Note the use of the word was, not is. When I went online to look up the best train to take to the restaurant, I pleasantly discovered that it had closed 4 months prior. At this point I'm thinking that it's a sign from the fates telling me not to go out with him, but R persuades me to give him a chance. We agree to meet outside near where Cafe Mozart used to be. He arrives, 10 minutes late, always a good impression. I ask him where we're going and he says he doesn't know so let's just walk around until we find something. This is one of my biggest dating pet peeves. If we arrange to have a date, have the courtesy to have something planned in advance before we meet.
We walk around until we walk into a restaurant that turns out to be a steak place. We had previously talked about our religious observances and both discovered that we keep kosher to some extent. I keep the basic dietary rules and do not mix meat and dairy products and do not eat shellfish. Aside from that, I will eat in any restaurant. Oded's will eat anywhere, but he will not eat nonkosher meat. He did not tell me this factoid until we sat down, looked at our menus, and I discovered that my date couldn't eat anything on the menu aside from a baked potato and a side salad, hold the bacon bits. I offered to leave and go someplace else, since we were across the street from a really good kosher restaurant and he said let's just stay here. At this point, I'm subtracting points for stupidity. We order our food, and that's when the real fun begins.
I am very active in my sorority alumnae group and volunteer for it. My facebook profile has lots of pictures of my sisters and I and references to ASA. Basically, it screams "Sorority Girl" from about a mile away. I know the stereotypes that go along with being in a sorority. Trust me, I've heard them all and could probably add on a few more of my own. I get the feeling that this is why he asked me out. As soon as the waiter takes our orders, he starts talking to me about Greek life. But instead of asking questions about things like formals and greek week and sisterhood, all he wants to know is at what age did I become corrupt (his words, not mine), have I ever been in a threesome, have I ever been with a girl, did my sisters and I ever go to football games in snow wearing nothing but bikinis, etc. Basically, this is the guy who rushed every fraternity ten times in college and could not buy his way into one.
By this point I am glaring the look of death at him from across the table, trying desperately to change the subject, and every single person in the restaurant, including the chefs who are not even in the same room as us, can tell that I want this to end right away. I try desperately to change the topic and ask him about growing up in Philadelphia, since I have family that still lives there. He starts telling me about this club that he and his friends used to go to for high school night and how much it sucked once they changed that because high school girls are easier than college girls. Take a minute to let that one sink in folks. So much for that diversion, let's try another way of changing the subject. Movies, always a safe topic, right? Wrong! He asks me what my favorite movie is and I tell him that I have two. My two absolute favorite movies of all time are Casablanca and Phantom of the Opera. He has never heard of Casablanca. He asks me if that is a recent release and if it was an indie film. The movie defined what it means to be a classic. I tell him that it's a recent release only if he considers anything post 1940 to be recent. Then he asks me about Phantom of the Opera. Don't I mean the show? When did Phantom get turned into a movie? 2004. One of my guy friends later told me that most guys don't care or know about Phanom, but for not knowing about Casablanca, he deserves to be shot. Clearly we have nothing to talk about with my movie interests, so I ask him about his movie interests. He tells me that he's really into hardcore action movies. Like every other guy out there, my ex was a huge fan of the Boondock Saints, so I've seen that movie. I tell Oded that I liked Boondock Saints hoping to find some common ground here, but no such luck. Another movie that he has never heard of. I ask him what his favorite movie is, expecting something along the lines of Terminator. Instead, he tells me that his favorite movie, of all time, is Transformers. The Shia LeBoeuf version. I got that movie for my 8-year-old cousin.
Right when I think that my date has reached rock bottom, it gets so much better. And by better I mean worse, naturally. By this time, our food has arrived, and as I pleasantly discover, he is quite fond of chewing with his mouth open. Then, when he gets sauce on his mouth, he chooses to wipe it with the sleeve of his Brooks Brothers shirt!!! I'm sitting at the table with my entire life flashing before my very eyes trying to figure out what exactly it is that I have done in the past to deserve this. I try to pretend I didn't see anything and ask him if he's read anything good lately. He asks me if I mean like magazines, because he reads Maxim and TV Guide on a regular basis. Yes, exactly what I meant. He says that to be honest, he has not read any books for schoolwork or pleasure since 10th grade when he discovered Cliffs Notes and Spark Notes. This guy has a diploma from the University of Pennsylvania. When I ask him about reading in college, he says that he got by with Cliffs Notes and paying people to do his papers for him. By this point, we are done with our meals, and when the waiter comes and asks if we want any drinks or dessert, and I tell him that oh, sorry, it's been fun but I have to be at work early tomorrow and fly out of there.
A couple of weeks later, at Thanksgiving dinner, when I tell my cousin about him, it turns out that they went to middle school together and he was that weird creepy guy who couldn't get a date because he made all of the girls uncomfortable. Nice to know some things don't change.
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